What *were* you looking for?

The News with Nipples has a great section of her blog entitled You Googled What?

Apparently including the word NIPPLES in one’s blog title attracts all manner of strange visitors via Google and other search engines.

I have decided to honour her and the never ending stream of odd people who find my blog by Google-ing abstrusely libidinous things.

You’ll be glad to know, as I am, that the most common search term that brings people to my blog is “BARBARA WINDSOR”.  I am not worthy.

Search Engine Terms

couple own a wild cat taking a bath (am I missing something viral on YouTube? Have you ever tried to bathe a cat? They all go mental)

roadside pee

fuck in gumboot

wrestling women scissors

smell eater toilet, australia

nigella lawson” “pierced ears

sarah palin dominatrix (part of the Wishful Thinking Section see also Margaret Thatcher Dominatrix and Edwina Currie Dominatrix and et separatim naomi campbell dominatrix which would, I imagine, involve her using a mobile phone as a spanking implement)

black rubber boot sole texture

large cutout in front to show off her cl (thankfully Google edited this)

plaid +knickers for men (if in doubt when wearing a kilt, don’t)

sarah palin in stockings (see sarah palin dominatrix above also dominitrex with gun ) following on from which, the plural of dominatrix is (I believe) either dominatrices  or dominatrixes not “domina or dominatrix or dominati” in case you were the one that was wondering.

grocery shopping in marabou mules (why wouldn’t you? If I could legislate to replace Ugg boots with marabou mules, I would) closely related to women in high heel fluffy mules

yoyo buffalo shoes” (buffalos like to be prepared for long queues)

mummy help me put her tights on” (apparently my children aren’t the only hosiery eccentrics out there)

shoe print ad with oral sex theme”  (someone has clearly been looking at Vivienne Westwood’s penis shoes at her Shoe Retrospective in Selfridges)

fishnet marks

see in pants”  (as opposed to see through pants?)

high hells kill”  (possibly “kells high hills” or “high heels kill” either way, yipes)

dirty and old and used sandals and shoes” – There is a whole blog on the sale of these items in dark and dingy corners of eBay, but I’m not up to writing it yet)

“mummy does potty” (Yes, I does & most of the time I doesn’t miss either)

different types of toenails”  (this could possibly be a cracking blog post, perhaps too specialised for Law and Shoes but maybe a subsidiary blog “Law & Feet“?)

brides with broken ankle boot‘ (Does this mean that the bride had a broken ankle? I’d love to find out what she wore on the other foot, wouldn’t you?)

free retro atomic bursts menu”  Well, I have Woolworths’ Homemaker plates at home provenance of my gran but did I blog about these? Do they have atomic bursts incorporated in the design? Puzzled.

men wearing stockings Being Scottish I am used to men cross dressing at any opportunity whatsoever. There was not one Law School do at which my friend T— did not feature prominently wearing stockings and suspenders. His legs were much better than mine. If you’ve got it flaunt it, I say.

sidney starr feets Doing a Google image search for that term was unexpectedly unpleasant.

red stiletto black stocking leg 80’s pose

images of stilletos and purses together Alarmingly specific, perhaps I should start preparing a prevention of the nefarious use of my blog photos strategy.

schoolgirls wearing knickers pictures See above.  I am really, really bothered by this one. Almost as bad would be someone looking to buy the aforesaid items.

let me see your knickers No.

nasty cockroach buy my sandals I have had a lot of problems with eBay sellers who withdraw items for sale after I have won them, who charge $25 to post an item that costs $8.00 to send etc. Never yet have I had a insect try to buy anything from me.  Clearly I am missing out.

3 thoughts on “What *were* you looking for?

  1. I didn’t find your email address, and I didn’t want to leave what I wanted to tell you in a normal post… so I’ll comment it here!

    I loved the post and I have recognized myself in many sentences there! Can I quote the blog and some of the sentences on my blog then?
    Shoes do make us feel like princesses… or even queens… (although queens are associated with old women…) and they are a source of confidence, no doubt… you look gorgeous!

    “@Caveat Calcei: I keep on thinking and thinking about your question about the pics! 🙂 I forgot to say something… well, the poses are relaxed because as I said, I run to be in front of the lens and whatever comes, comes (or came!) So, they are absolutely natural, that is the real moment. Also, I have to look somewhere else, very seldom to the camera – because otherwise people keep on looking at me and thinking “that one is crazy!” (Well, they may not be wrong, either way!)
    And also, funny: sometimes I “must” look at the lens, sometimes I must show the camera is “there” waiting for me… that really happens… I am waiting for the flash and there comes an unexpected person and sees me walking like a strange creature… so I show them – look, I’m, not that crazy, there’s something waiting for me there! There are funny pics because of this…
    And sometimes there are friends with me too! I’m a social creature, not always alone… 🙂
    Now all explained… but on the weekend – Easter! – I’ll have a photographer!!!! Not me!
    Have a great day!!!!

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