Such Beautiful Shit

About this time last year it seemed to me that I had a future full of possibilities.

In between then and now a number of things have happened which I rather wish had not.

The other night I was reading the Minx a bedtime story – this one:

The last time I read her this story was over two years ago. Before I left the law, before people who I thought were friends turned on me.  Before so many things.

And somewhere between the little baby’s trip to the park and waving good night to his parents in the mirror I could feel tears welling up.

One of my yoga students this weekend pulled up mention of my legal background. “You are a lawyer?” she asked in surprise. “I was a lawyer” I corrected as softly as I could.  There is no space in a yoga studio for left-over anger after all.

As I helped my class through their personal challenges – the lady who couldn’t push the floor away to bring herself to a seated position from savasana, someone else who has shed a husband and a house and is heading towards her new life – I realised that there is not none of us who gets to middle age without harm.

And with that I chose my closing guided meditation in the same way that I chose a bedtime story for my children. With an eye towards taking them on a journey.

You talk such beautiful shit” my friend and personal Pilates trainer Stacey tells me after one such journey at the end of one of my classes.

 I smile and ask the class members: “What do you remember from the journey I took you on?
Each of them remember something different. One finds herself floating on a boat, out at sea. Another is in a warm room in her grandmother’s house, reading books. Our imaginations can take us to places we never dreamed of going, we just have to let them free to roam.

When I have finished teaching a class I stand outside watching Sydney winter shadows slice through the suburbs, I realise while doing so that freedom, while costly and painful to achieve, is priceless.

Winter 2012 – Sunrise over Queenscliff, Manly, Australia by John Calderwood

15 thoughts on “Such Beautiful Shit

  1. Oh my dear friend,
    I feel you in this piece. xxx your heart is beautifully shared with us. Which is, I believe, a wonderful way to lead others to their hearts.
    Imperfect. Wonderful. Grateful.
    K xxx

  2. Sometimes the journey is itself the goal. Would that we could all live that. I too leapt off the train – for me, it was managed health care – and began, with a friend, a work that fed my soul, but not my pocketbook. So I do other things to pay bills, and that does not feel very good, but for some hours each day, I am where I live. Wish it could be all the time. Wish it was that for you too, my friend.

    • But the good that you do in those few hours a day, where your heart feels most warm and at home – in those hours it soars like a bird.

      A friend who must be in her 80s now if she is still with us said to me once: “Why do you think you should be happy all the time?”

      It’s true – life is a bit of everything and we have to learn to be 100% happy and present during the good bits.

  3. It’s very early Monday morning and I have insomnia ahead of starting a full-on job in a week. This has given me pause. It’s beautiful. (And I hope I’m not rushing away from freedom!)

  4. Hi Megan, you told me last week that I bring mental strength with me to each yoga class. I just wanted to tell you that your classes help me take that mental strength and apply it elsewhere in my life where I am very weak. So, a big thank you!

    I also wanted to add, no matter what age, we are all looking for that sense of freedom and contentedness. And whatever outcome or destination we may end up at, it’s the journey we take to reach that destination which makes us alive and living. More importantly, it’s the journey which is priceless. Namaste 🙂

  5. Maybe it was the aura of the class 🙂
    I love our classes so much – unassuming, non-judgmental and uber nurturing. Please don’t ever change or give it up!

  6. With all the disappointments in our lives….. overwhelming us at times with despair…… one never realizes or appreciates how it inspires others to appreciate what they have and how lucky they are and that things could always be worse.

    You influence people in so many ways and one those ways is to cheer them up.

    Now lets see some nice winter footwear to warm me up! 🙂

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