Walk Like A Man – How to Cross Dress with Dignity

For a chap with a passing resemblance to  Russell Crowe, Ronaldo Silva had the beginnings of a promising woman reports the Huffington Post

Donning a slinky lilac dress, a flowing black wig and white bra, drug trafficker Ronaldo Silva managed to slip past prison guards and make a sultry escape at Penedo jail in Brazil.

After switching clothes with his wife during a prison visit, Silva daubed red lipstick over his masculine mouth, and with a slick shave of his arms and legs proved to be a dead ringer for one of the inmates’ wives

It was only after Silva was spotted wobbling down the street in ill-fitting heels that the Brazilian was rumbled.”

Ronaldo Silva - Drag (Fail) Queen

As the New York Post put it “Running drugs is nothing compared to walking in heels”.

It is easy to scoff if you are accustomed, as I am, to running and walking in heels, high heels and extremely high heels.

That is until the foam boot is on the other foot.

The Foam Boot

Have you ever worn a walk around suit? Me neither. I thought it would be kind of fun, like that episode of Sex and The City where Miranda takes a fancy to the man dressed like a sandwich who mutters “Eat me” when she walks past.

Of course, I had no idea how much of a challenge I was up against stepping into a character. Not only was I wearing a fat suit but I was also going to resemble a balding bespectacled  version of Ronnie Barker in Open All Hours.

There is a fan in that there head up above. It didn’t work.  The only thing that I could vaguely see through was the mouth and by ‘see’ I mean daylight filtered through and occasionally a shadow or two flitted past.  At one stage a drunk guy screamed “I am going to punch you in the head” at me. He could have been screaming at the moon. As it turned out, he wasn’t man enough to take me on. This was a relief as once inside the suit I was completely and utterly at the mercy of my boss who lead me round the suburban streets around our shops by the hand, giving out balloons.

Luckily I did not  have to look at all the people who were staring at us. All I had to do was concentrate on not falling flat on my face. This was much harder than I could ever have imagined. In order to do so I had to lift my feet up and saunter like a rubberised John Travolta.

It wasn’t easy.

Walking in heels is a doddle in comparison to walking in big rubberised character man hooves.

The New Comfy Shoe

So if you are a man new to walking in heels, do not fear. Help is at hand (or foot).

Here are some of Caveat Calcei’s Favourite Trip n Tricks to Walking in Heels

1.  Get Thee to a Beach (this tip from Manolo Blahnik)

I have spent much of my life walking on tip toe as does the rest of my family. Dorsiflexion (or standing on my toes) comes naturally to me. If it feels weird practice is by walking on the balls on your feet either in a swimming pool, in salt water or on a sandy beach. The motion is the same.

2. Work on your core stabilisers

Take up yoga/pilates. Good balance and strong core muscles will keep you upright while negotiating pavement bumps, vertiginous curbs etc.

3.  Stalk don’t walk.

Think Lady Gaga working the Alexander McQueen Armadillo Shoes in her Bad Romance Video When you take a step forward straighten and extend your leg—it’ll help you move gracefully and elegantly.

4.  Slow down

The higher the heel, the slower you should saunter. Racing forwards will simply make you overbalance and look silly. Act nonchalant, enjoy the view from up there and ignore the fact that everyone else is rushing past you.

5.  Dance around in front of the mirror

Yep – you heard me. Hoist yourself into a pair of heels from the bedside and launch yourself at the wardrobe with a big smile on your face. You’re worth it darling 😉

Bebe Bailey Red Patent Leather Stilettos

5 thoughts on “Walk Like A Man – How to Cross Dress with Dignity

  1. I must have missed something in a previous post about how you got the Elmer Fudd job
    but no matter. I think this is the fufufufunniest papapapapost evevevev… whatever.

  2. I can’t beieve the guy was caught BECAUSE of the heels… anybody would see he was a man wearing lipstick!
    Anyway, I also think I missed something concerning the “comfy boots’ ” job… but the pictures are so funny!

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