And the page turns

103 of 105 - Shoes gifted by @NomesMessenger - Outside the Supreme Court of Australia

A few weeks ago I travelled down to Canberra to see my very good friend Ally.

There were a lot of things on my mind at the time. On the top of the list of things on my mind was the need to spend some time on my own.

In my life I have spent very little time on my own. This is odd because I do actually enjoy my own company.

Canberra is very pleasant. The denizens of Canberra have, each and every one, mentioned to me that it is a big city hidden inside a country town.  There are trees on every street. The streets feel lazy, drowsy, relaxed. In the city centre, politicians and civil servants walk purposefully but softly from one large air conditioned building to another. Commuter cyclists wend their contented way along wide bike lanes on straight roads.

It’s a zen capital city.

For me to say that I spend little time on my own seems unfair when to do so means leaving my husband and children behind.

My husband stands at exactly the same spot to take a photo of the sunrise for me every single morning. Yet every morning the cloudscape is different like an extempore pancake recipe of light and moisture.

Trips away alone carry the promise of peace and calm but with a tinge of menace. Who knows what while  you are away? What will happen when you return?

As part of the process of moving forward sometimes shedding layers of skin and life is required. Sloughing off the old like a lizard with eczema. So off I went to see what I still looked like inside my own head.

When I started this blog I was a lawyer who wrote about shoes. Now what am I? A mother, a wife, a yoga teacher, a blogger and _____ ? And what? Somewhere through space and time I will be able to complete the blanks. Does this sound selfish? To paraphrase Oscar Wilde – you are only being selfish when you ask others to live as you want to live.

 As a commercial lawyer in Australia very little of my job involved stepping out of an office and conducting negotiations in the trenches. While I practised law in Scotland I was out in the field, so to speak, two or three times a week. Digging my atavistic little lawyer claws into the mortal enemy (ie  person who wasn’t paying for my time and devotion).  Yet what are you as a lawyer if you are not a gun for hire? If you venture too far from the coal face you forget what it is all about. As I did.
To remind myself what the law is really all about I visited the National Library of Australia to see Lindy Chamberlain’s personal papers. What I read and saw broke my heart. Surely lawyers are there to protect people, to prevent the state from taking advantage of the disadvantaged and the weak? That was my belief so many years ago but the roots of the plant of my my belief  in justice, once well tended, lubricated and protected by moist soil had and have nothing left to to hang on to.
So I let go and left it all behind. Between then and now I have also shed some other chains that I had been carrying around with me rather in the way that you carry around far FAR too much crud in your handbag.
I decided to have a wee Canberra sabbatical and nearly killed a plane on the way down. Clicking on board with metal heels seemed to cause some kind of malfunction in the air conditioning.
It was a very itty bitty plane. In fact, I fully expected that we all be asked to stick our arms out of the windows and wave them up and down all the way to Canberra.
I love flying alone.
Sometimes a garden grows best when it is left to find its own way up towards the light.

When Ally picked me up at the airport she wore this beautiful dress.I knew Ally before I started this blog.  Ally has a love of colour and a knack with a floral frock that makes me joyful just to look at her. I felt my heart sort of leapt when I saw her.

Happy Fabric via @ACTinglikeamama

What is it that we seek?” I asked her on the way back to her house “Acceptance, happiness – what?

There comes a point in every woman’s life when she wants to be something other than what everyone else wants her to be.

Not sure that I agree with this quote.  My view is accept people for what they are and allow them to become who they want to become.

Anne Galivan once said to me – “I understand your shoe collection” she said ‘your shoes say do not underestimate me. I am so much more than you think I am.

Luckily it seems that I have married someone who is prepared to be the me that my shoes tell me that I am.

Keep turning those pages…

Shoeper Shoe Challenge Shoe Saves

103 of 105  Lovely Spanish Shoes gifted by Miss Nomes Messenger

104 of 105   Gucci Steel Heeled Stilettos last worn here

One more shoe save to go…

11 thoughts on “And the page turns

  1. Megan I love you to bits and bits, I am desperate to get to Sydney and catch up with you and Ally and everyone. I loved reading this piece; it made me cry but not really in a sad way. You really do deserve every good thing that comes your way. xxxxxx

  2. Time alone is paradoxical. It is liberating in many ways but it can also be lonely. I have a good wife who has encouraged me to take advantage of my extended leave and see some of the world. I am writing this on my iPad from a cafe in Rome. Being set loose in a capital city is very exciting but not half as much fun as when you can share it with others. Rome bustles a little more than Canberra. A little less Zen and a lot more ciao.

    Thanks for another very thoughtful, thought provoking and sensitive blog post.

    Ps. Have a nice colourful frock with me too but haven’t worn it yet.

  3. Gosh I’ve missed seeing you and your shoes around the Twitterverse. What a beautiful post. I think we are all a work in progress and will forever be clearing crud from our handbag. Though of you on Sunday night when looking through our Italy and Paris photos. There are so many of shoes – all for you!

  4. “No time spent on you is a waste of time” – that’s what a friend of mine I visited last week told me, and I will keep this in mind forever.
    Actually I spent lots of time on myself. And I really like this. All sorts of people tend to point out that this is a waste of time and life – and they wanted to force me doing things I don’t want to or I’m rather not prepared to. Also, many leave me with a guilty feeling. End of this! I recognize I’m not prepared to do some things and I will go on spending time on myself. I’m not asking anyone to do what I want, so I’m not being selfish. I just need time to figure out what I want to do on a regular basis. And everybody has his/her own timing for that.
    Now that I share that, I think your shoes look great – you know this! I also loved your friend’s dress – I love floral prints! And as for me, I always fly alone – but the funny thing is that I confess I don’t like flying. I fly, of course – I don’t freak out, but I can’t say I do it gladly.
    Canberra sounds likea great city – I love the word zen! I used to say I was zen, but now I guess I am just laid-back!
    So nice to read your stories, I love the way you share your thoughts!

    • Not sure that there is a magical way to become the guilt free self-actualised version of ourselves. It is isn’t really a bad thing to grow up and some of us do it more gracefully than others. I suspect that you may be one of them x

      • Oh, thanks for your words! In fact I wrote laid-back because I didn’t want to write lazy… I don’t know what I am. My brothers think I’m lazy, but I remember when I wrked as a teacher – and I loved it – I dedicated myself to it a lot, preparing lessons, buying material when I was on holidays, even visiting schools abroad… when I left the school to study abroad, I discovered myself lazy… 🙂 Right? Wrong? My brothers think it’s wrong, but I discovered a lot inside my mind, that I didn’t before!

  5. Such a beautiful post – pls delete email I just sent, don’t want to bug you w that stuff anymore & wish I could recall it! Law is so technical & bollocks now days, I wonder if we all started living ethically people power would override all laws. Muse.
    I’m heading to Canberra on 31st Mar for a roller derby game 🙂 xox

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