Don’t Drink & Drive or Drive Old Buggered Cars

Zoe Wittner 'Sassy' Snake Skin Platform Stiletto Pumps

The most significant cause of road trauma and death in Australia is drink driving. You don’t have to be drunk to be affected by alcohol. No-one drives quite as well after drinking alcohol, even though some people may look and act as though they are unaffected. Alcohol is a depressant drug that affects most areas of the brain.”

In the last two months my husband has been breathalysed 6 times by mobile Random Breath Testing Units in Sydney. Over the last two years he’s been breathalysed more than 30 times.

A lot of lamps. Really. As seen in Sarah and James' Granny Flat

Earlier this month we were at a kids Christmas party hosted by our friends Sarah and James. It was an excellent party, so much so that I very soon gave up attempting to walk in the above heels. On the way home we were  stopped by the police on Stoney Creek Road  and my husband was breathalysed.

Have you had anything to drink” the teenage police officer asked my husband. “Two beers this afternoon” said my husband in a very polite Scottish way. Scottish people are very polite to the police. (The Scottish Poliss are well-known for being psychopaths and it is best to be as submissive as possible when dealing with them. See below.)

John recorded a breath alcohol limit of just over 0.02 on both breath tests and was taken to Hurstville Police Station on the following basis (from the Custody Management Report):

Does the person complain of, or have you observed any sign of intoxication, pain, injury or illness?”

Comments: Slightly intox.

If being polite constitutes presenting as ‘slightly intoxicated’ in Australia gawd help us.

The teenage police officer asked if I could drive home. “I don’t have a driving licence” I said “and in any case I have had a bottle of champagne to drink so it would be A Very Bad Idea for Me to Drive“. I even showed him iPhone Camera Roll Exhibit A below.

Lulu & Red Silk Dress/Tunic over SES Leggings with Wittner "Sassy" Platform Stilettos

Look Officer – wine glass! Full. And I was wearing the crazy arse shoes too. Hard to drive in them. Meantime my son is crying his eyes out in the back because he thinks that Daddy is in Big Trouble.

The young police officer shrugged and asked me to find a friend to come pick us up.    I started texting my friends still at the party for one of them to come pick us up. I finally manage to get a hold of my fabulous friends Christine and  Dave. “Come pick me up” I wailed “John’s been nicked“.
At that point another older policeman comes along and asks me if I am going to be driving the car home.
I don’t drive, I have no licence and in any case I have had a bottle of wine to drink this afternoon so I can’t drive“. I say as politely as possible with two distraught kids in the back.
The rank of cars behind us slowly disappears. We are still sitting there waiting for my friend Christine to pick us up from the side of the road. It is getting late and clearly the cops want to be gone. The older policeman comes back and basically gives me a kindly uncle lecture the gist of which was as follows:
1.   I should have a drivers licence so that my husband wouldn’t have to worry about having a few beers at a party; and
2.    both children should have parents responsible and able to drive a motor vehicle
I explained to him again politely that I had no licence, had sat 4 driving tests and failed each and every one. Notwithstanding this, even if I had a licence I couldn’t drive because I was over the limit whereas my husband was not. He replied that my husband was over the limit. At that stage I  couldn’t shut the lawyer in me up because I found myself saying:
He will pass the blood alcohol test. Trust me.”
(I did my honours dissertation on the subject of Intoxication and the Law so I am a bit more adamant about these things than I would normally be with the poliss).
No. He won’t pass‘ the police officer tells me.
At the station John asks for a blood test. He’s told that he can ask for one after the third breath test but that it will be at his expense.
He waits 45 minutes for the second breath test which he passes. The other guy pulled in in front of him has gone well over the limit.
John got back in one piece about 3 hours after being stopped. The kids still talk about it.

On the way to the fireworks. 80s Bandage Dress from someplace or other in the Kings Road, London. Perspex heeled mules - Prada circa 1998

Tonight is New Year’s Eve. My husband decides that zero alcohol in the blood stream is advisable as we are driving from Hurstville to Bright Le Sands for the 9.00 pm fireworks.
 We park the car some distance away. This is sensible because we are forming the view that our 11 year old car is actually drawing adverse law enforcement attention to us:
What do you think?

Buggered Old Car

The fireworks went well:

Fireworks 2011 - Brighton Le Sands

Other Useful Things to Know – Shoe Saves 60 and 61 of 105
#60 Platform Stilettos:  Sassy by Wittners
#61 Black Satin and Perspex Wedges:  Prada 

7 thoughts on “Don’t Drink & Drive or Drive Old Buggered Cars

    • No one is used to it. In Scotland we were brought up to hold doors open, give up seats to old people and be polite to those in Authority.

      As you say Gary, it’s a sad day when it’s held against you 😦

  1. Makes me ANGRY. But all’s well that ends well. I wish I’d have come down to Brighton – was wondering where to go for 9pm fireworks… Maybe this year! 🙂 xox

  2. There’s a Welsh word for policemen like the ones you encountered. Let me see now if I can remember it.

    Ah yes: ‘Cunts’.

    • I speak Welsh too with a broad Paisley accent, it helps when dealing with the Poliss and the general population here. Funny how some folk only understand your accent when you swear isn’t it?

    • If only Sheeple. I think my myopia, general lack of spatial awareness and failure to leave the round about at any exit let alone the third right as instructed had more to do with it.

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