Hard Rubbish Day & other strange Australianisms – Shoeper Shoe Challenge #13 of 105


Ravel Black Ankle Boots

I’ve been living in Australia for eleven years now.  If you are Australian, don’t read beyond this sentence.


Psst, everyone else – listen up – Australians are seriously weird.

Let’s leave the national obsession with rubber sandals aka flip flops aka thongs to the one side.

Let’s not mention the fact that you cannot buy alcohol in the supermarkets.

Let’s forget that they shorten (or lengthen) every word that they possibly can and then add the letter ‘o’ at the end.

The really REALLY weird thing about Australians is the fact that they like sifting through other people’s rubbish and then taking bits of it home with them.

The Age reports Trevor Flood's arrest for uplifting a vacuum cleaner from a pile of rubbish

You will see mention in the above news report of Hard Rubbish Day aka Council Clean Up day.  This, for non-Australian people, effectively means leaving all your difficult, unfriendly and inconvenient bits of garbage  – Old fridges, mattresses, broken children’s toys, bits of tree limbs, buggered power tools – on the grassy bit outside your house which is called a ‘nature strip’. In this case nature is a misleading and deceptive euphemism for a bit of scabby grass with more than a few ants and some dog poo on it.

Twice a year Kogarah Council sticks a wee leaflet through our letter box that announces Council Clean Up Day.  Rubbish is designated by its Heap Status. Heap Statuses range from A to C with detailed instructions on how to dispose of your rubbish as follows:


Bundled vegetation prunings and tree loppings bundled in one metre lengths, with a maximum width of 15 centimetres (just under 6 inches). Please tie with natural string.


Metal and white goods fridges, stoves and washing machines. Please remove all doors.


General household waste including small items of furniture, mattresses, lounges etc.

Bearing in mind that it is not possible to sell everything on eBay (more’s the pity) and that council rubbish tips can charge you $20.00 to dispose of an old mattress, theoretically Hard Rubbish Day is a good idea.

For us it starts off quite well – we blindfold the children and put their books and toys rubbish out in bags and boxes in neat and tidy piles.

However, no sooner do we put our garbage out then someone turns up as if by magic and starts rifling energetically through it occasionally huckling it into the back of a white van and making off with it.  The quickest huckle ever was for an old Mountain Buggy(R)  pram that had finally given up under the strain of two children. It took 5 minutes from our garage to the nature strip to a waiting nearby white van.

It’s all a wee bit unseemly and embarrassing if not for the scavengers for me. What happens if I see someone picking up my throwaway items? Do I give them a cheery smile, shake their hands, thank them and tell them to enjoy my rubbish?  Worse, what happens if they rifle through my stuff and find absolutely nothing of interest to them. What if, heavens forfend, my rubbish is not good enough to steal. What do I do then?

Worse still than the embarrassment of putting out unstealable rubbish is the way that rubbish collectors rifle through tightly packed boxes, sometimes tipping them  over leaving your sub-standard, nobody-wants-me rubbish out in the rain feeling sorry for itself. This is usually when our half-deaf Russian neighbour yells at me that I am bringing down the tone of the neighbourhood.

Bearing in mind that I am posing for photographs in front of my own rubbish, he’s not that wrong.

Spot the Rubbish - Remnants of Recent Fossicking in the Suburbs

It’s all a bit unseemly really and reminds me of an old Scottish joke that describes the differences between the denizens of Glasgow and Edinburgh:

In Edinburgh, if you see a table and chairs on the pavement is a Continental cafe.

Rose Street Cafe, Edinburgh

In Glasgow, it’s a warrant sale.

Australian people – have you ever picked up anything interesting from a council clean up? Everyone else? Just smile and wave, smile and wave

The Year of the Stripper Stilettos – The Dragonfly – Guest Shoe Post Part 2

Can shoes lead you down the wrong path? If so can they lead you back up it again? My guest blogger’s story continues… see here for Part 1

The next time I wore my stripper stilettos was a full mooned Saturday night. My husband was busy at work and my ex was busy breaking my heart.

So I sent an SMS to all and sundry to say that I was catching a train to Kings Cross by myself.

Photo Credit: The Illawarra Mercury

I was wearing fitted white pants and a white halter and  my stripper heels – the brazennest outfit I’d ever ventured out in. A guy I knew from work replied that he was at Dragonfly on a boys night out, but that he was sure his mates wouldn’t mind if I tagged along.

At Dragonfly I had my first experience of the VIP life, being greeted by the security guard, whisked straight to the front of the queue & into a roped off VIP section. It was a night of multiple firsts. I found a gorgeous young curly haired blonde girl crying in the bathroom because her boyfriend had been mean to her. When she pointed out her boyfriend all I could see was a 60 year old fat sweaty balding red faced man. But she said he always gave her really high quality cocaine.

I was in a little shock after this revelation and went back to my workmate to grill him about the world of drugs. Eventually around 2.00 am it was decided that under their protection I could try one quarter of an ecstasy tablet. To allay my fears about the particular pill being a “good” one of the guys had consumed the other three quarters an hour before I bravely consumed my tiny piece. The operation was very sombre and symbolic to me. Thinking about it now they must have been thoroughly amused by my innocence and the theatrical production I had created out of one little eccy. I later saw them consume up to seven pills each in a night.

That night the music felt better than it ever had before, reverberating in my soul. I danced with a Lebanese builder, the second most attractive man I’ve ever seen. And later that night (morning?) I looked in a nightclub mirror and saw a gorgeous blue eyed girl (me). She looked at least four times skinnier than any girl I’d ever seen in the mirror previously in my life. Early Sunday one of the guys drove me home on his yellow Ducati stopping at Bondi beach just as the sun rose (it was the looong way home!)

Bondi Beach at Sunrise Photo Credit: Acquabumps
A week later I went on a date with the Lebanese builder but I didn’t wear the stripper stilettos. It was my first grown up date.

We went to a Greek restaurant in Balmain and talked about the bad reputation Lebanese men have in Australia. Then we walked to a bar and had some shots and I asked him to take me home because it was a school night. As we walked to the car he forced me up against the wall & kissed me terribly badly. I pushed him away and said “just take me home now please“.

As we drove across the Anzac Bridge his brand new midnight blue Monaro he pulled out the tiniest floppiest penis I’ve ever seen and instructed me to “suck it“. I just put my head in my hands and tried not to think about how drunk he was and tried not to wonder if he was on drugs and hoped that I’d make it home in one piece, which thankfully I did.

To be continued

‘Nice Shoes’ : The Art of the Unsolicited Compliment – Shoeper Shoe Challenge #12 of 105

It is fair to say that as a Leo and a blogger I rather like attention and am always very appreciative of compliments.  My husband won’t indulge me and suggests that I am trying to get over some eldest child compliment/attention deficit issues.

He doesn’t understand my concern that for a shoe blogger, my shoes very seldom attract compliments publicly. That is until last week when I wore these:


I Love Billy Red Satin Peeptoe Stilettos

I had just sprachled back from work and received a text from my husband advising me that I was out of mixer for my wee goldie. (For those of you who object to mixers in whisky all I can say is make sure that you never buy the blended Scotch on offer in these parts).

Luckily there is a Coles supermarket at our train station. Unluckily the arrival of the train coincided with the queue length for the cashiers being horrendous.  I find standing in supermarket queues is incredibly stressful. Invariably someone is going to ram me in the buttocks with a basket or reach over me to get something from the till sweeties stash.   The only effective way for me to deal with this, other than snapping at people, is to go into a dwalm.

In this dwalm and while handing over some money, someone to my left said:

I love these“.

Coming out of a dwalm isn’t that easy.  I didn’t manage it terribly well.

Pardon, sorry, what?” I replied.

Your shoes” said the girl who had spoken “I love your red shoes”.

And with that random act of kindess the horrors of the work day and the supermarket queue faded in an instant.


I felt so good, almost like I had a ray of sunshine coming out of my [redacted]” Random quote on the effect of unsolicited compliments

Have you ever received/given an unsolicited compliment from a stranger? What was it? How did it make you feel? Alternatively, how did the other person react?

The Year of the Stripper Stilettos – Guest Shoe Post Part 1


When I was 24 I had my first birthday party. Up until then I’d never dressed in a womanly fashion. I wore shoes for comfort and therefore owned no stilettos.

The guy I’d been in love with for the previous two years bought me a $400.00 red silk dress to wear on the big day.

My husband, who I had lost my virginity to seven years earlier, bought me a hair and makeup “makeover” and arranged my childhood bestie to fly in & surprise me on the eve of the party.

As a birthday present to myself I bought this magical pair of perspex heeled, mirror glassed, sparkly stripper stilettos.

It was an absolutely awesome night. The friends who had become my true family (since I was ex-communicated from my church and  my birth family disowned me) – every single one of them came. I was sure to have my photo taken with each and every one.

My two favourite photos were the ones with the men I loved so dearly but was no longer “in” love with. Or having sex with.

The boy I had fallen for (and ultimately lost my marriage for) brought his new girlfriend. She played nice. My husband brought his best mate, who had flown in from interstate (and who happened to have been the best man at our wedding). He met “the other guy” that night. Considering the circumstances, he was also very civil.

I stayed up all night, watched the Argentina vs Mexico world cup soccer game while playing pool with scary people on Oxford Street. I invited everyone back to my place for pizza when the sun came up. I didn’t even have a hangover the next day. Best birthday “ever“.

The next time I wore my stripper stilettos was a girls night out. We got drunk and talked our way into Kings Cross strip clubs for free.

Photo Credit Trip Advisor ||

At BadaBing a gorgeous brunette wearing a leather jacket and drinking a beer sat down next to me and asked if she could buy me a drink. I asked for vodka and eventually we agreed to meet in the bathroom and made out for ages. It was my first girl-kiss. It turned out that she was an off duty female police officer. We’re still Facebook friends.

A few weeks later I went away for my first ever girly weekend, up in Surfers Paradise. I doused myself in copious amounts of fake tan and those stripper stilettos walked myself and my friends right to the front of every single nightclub queue and helped us avoid every door charge. I had my first non-relationship dance with a Kiwi backpacker called Luke & took his phone number. It felt like the most bad ass thing I’d ever done.

On the next stripper heeled outing my girlfriends and I giggled in sex shops and then ended up at Showgirls (using loyalty cards we’d scored on the previous occasion). The waitresses plied us with vodka and after skolling a medicinal water I threw up on a stripper. I apologised profusely and ran to the toilets with her to help her wash off. Her name was Phoenix and we rode around together all night in the “stripper limo” which transports dancers and their watchers to their next venue booking. It was very educational.

For Part 2 of the Year of the Stripper Stilettos – The Dragonfly click here

For Part 3 of the Year of the Stripper Stilettos – Tell me when the spaceship lands click here

The Crummy Mummy Awards – Frocking Friday the 12th/Shoeper Shoe Challenge #11 of 105

Do you ever feel like the world’s worst parent?

In theory, I accept that there may be many far worse mothers out there than me out there. This week I am not convinced.

This week I have have not been home to read my daughter a bedtime story once. Each night was taken up with dealing with work. Except today, on Frocking Friday, when I managed to make it home by 8.oo pm. The poor wee thing was so knackered by the time that I got home waiting up for me she was talking backwards.

Luckily I managed to read her a story, or rather look with her for little tiny things and visual jokes in one of the I Spy books.

Work is work and in many ways I am luckier than most – if I was working at a big law firm, 12 hour days would be standard. That doesn’t help me stop feeling like the world’s crummiest mummy this week.

My mum tells me frequently that she realised that being a perfect mother was impossible but being an okay mother was entirely within her capabilities. In fact, as she says, if you can get your children through childhood without inflicting serious injuries or neuroses upon your children you are doing OKAY.

Elizabeth Taylor died this week aged 79.  In her honour Fox in Flats posted a lovely visual tribute to her entitled

Elizabeth Taylor, Mother of Style

Photos from Elizabeth Taylor Photo credit - A Life in Picturesby Yann-Brice Dherbia, published by Pavilion books

I found some other rather nice photos of Liz Taylor and her children online. This photo was taken in 1956 of Liz and her son Christopher, who was about a year old at the time.  It is a beautiful photo but somehow almost too theatrical to be believable. Those were different years of course, when the film studios did not really want publicity shots of actors and actresses with children. If the children were to appear it was as quiet, well dressed and preferably good looking accessories:

The Original Crummy Mummy - Joan Crawford with her children


Grace Kelly with her elegant and self-possessed children - Albert and Stephanie

Now there is always a camera around to catch the moment that you step outside with your children and someone in a newspaper or magazine to evaluate and criticise one’s parenting skills.

Exhibit 1: Gwen Stefani

Celebrated for: Having a handsome father for her children. Kingston and Zuma, and dressing the aforesaid children in funky clothes.

Crummy Mummy Points Awarded for: Getting her cut glass abdominal muscles back within months of childbirth with allegedly indecent haste.

Exhibit 2:  Heidi Klum

Celebrated for:   Being gorgeous, slightly eccentric and head over heels in love/lust with singer SEAL

Crummy Mummy Awards given for:  Losing weight and getting in lingerie catwalk modelling within weeks of having her children, having a nanny for each child and telling the nannies to hide out of sight when the paparazzi show up.

Exhibit 3:  Victoria Beckham

Celebrated for:    Designing some really rather nice frocks and having a sense of humour (the latter being unusual in celebrities apparently)

Crummy Mummy Awards for: Just about everything from being too thin to having funny shaped toes to numerous breast augmentation operations. Most recently criticised for wearing 6 inch heels while pregnant.

It occurs to me that many women spend so much time castigating other women for their parenting techniques as a kind of deflection.   After a week like this when I have not managed to make it back home from home until after 7.30 pm every night, I have a huge motherload of guilt of my own. Perhaps having a go at the beautiful and successful for wearing the wrong shoes or having Botox while pregnant will collectively make us feel so much better that we have unwashed dishes in the sink. I doubt it though.

Being a mother involves trying to juggle a bunch of things and dropping most of them. If I could afford to have a nanny, I would. If I could work from home, I would. There are a lot of things that are outside my control and I suspect that this will forever be the case now that I have children.

Meantime, I asked my husband to take this picture of my daughter and I so that she will hopefully remember that now and again, I did actually spend some time with her.

The Details:

Frock: Bang by Messina



Peep toe, bow suede pumps by Memo’Saccs



Vintage Stockings:  Seamless Mesh Roxy(R) in Beige via eBay seller eyeholesinapaperbag
Date Worn:   25 March 2011

Find out what the other Shoe Challengettes wore this week here

One Size Does Not Fit All & Other Blogging Revelations aka #10 of 105 Shoeper Shoe Challenge

Photo Credit Kelly of Be A Fun Mum http://www.beafunmum.com

Life is a journey and you are never to old to start finding out new things.  Or finding out old things in new ways.

Thing 1:  There are a lot of female bloggers out there

When you meet a lot of people that you know online offline and you know their names and what they cried about last week you are most definitely at a bloggers conference.  In particular you are at the Aussie Bloggers Conference.  There was some discussion before, during and afterwards that it was the Aussie Mummy Bloggers Conference or the Aussie Women Bloggers Conference. Accordingly there were only about 6 men in the entire room. Next year, single chaps get your tickets early. You will definitely get a lumber*.

Thing 2      People are either much taller or much smaller or have weirder knees than you expected

My father is obsessed with Charlton Heston and not in a good way. When we watched Planet of the Apes he regaled us with the time that my sister in her toddler years walked into Charlton’s legs.

He had weird knees” my dad said ‘it’s probably due to your sister walking into him“.

I didn’t notice anyone’s knees on Saturday but I think I might have been only one of 120 people who met Bern Morley and squeaked ‘aren’t you tall?‘. She said that it was her platforms but I’m not convinced.  Jayne Kearney on the other hand was 4 foot 11 without her heels but I still managed to recognise her across a crowded room. You should know that she helped me with one of my first serious blog posts.  The one that no one other than the Not Drowning Mother has ever commented on, strangely enough.

I did notice that Susan of Reading Upside Down has a quite fabulous embonpoint which I appear to be about to fall asleep on in the photos she’s posted here

Thing 3    There is ABSOLUTELY no such thing as One Size Fits All Knickers

Silk Mesh Leg Avenue(R) Tie Bank Pants OSFA

These were the knickers that I was wearing for the Aussie Bloggers Dinner Dance.

This series of photographs taken by Fiona Lumsdaine of Lumsdaine Photography I believe records the moments before, during and after the point that I realised that my tie up knickers:

(a)    had become untied due to an abundance of arse shoogling and silly moves for  which my dancer partner Kristin of Wanderlust was jointly & severally liable; and

(b)  were working their way not particularly slowly  towards the floor.

Photo Courtesy of Fiona Lumsdaine Photography. Copyright 2011. All rights reserved.

What did I do next?  What do you think?

Clothing Credits:

Sandals:    Urban Sole

Dress:         Gasp by Emanualla Silk Halter Dress (a car load of gay guys on Crown Street asked me where I got it).

Knickers:    See above, below and never again in public.


* Lumber:  A Scottish word for hooking up with someone with whom one would like to lock lips at a social occasion.  Also known as ‘getting a click’ as opposed to a clip round the ear one supposes.

“Technology brought us together*” – Frocking Friday the Eleventh/Shoeper Shoe Challenge #9

*The quote “Technology brought us together” is one that I am happy to snaffle from Edenland, one of the really rather fabulous speakers at the inaugural Aussie Bloggers Conference. That lady can work a room AND make Ugg boots look sexy.  Sadly the Ugg boots did not accompany her to the conference. I’m hoping that she will blog about them for me.


So what do you do when you have two friends over the night before a bloggers conference and you’re not a teenager any more?

Apparently you drink a lot and then drag them into your bedroom to try on your CORSETS.

Yep,  the contents of my closet are now out in the public domain together with my preferred colour of knickers. You’ll find out all about those tomorrow.

Meantime, may I introduce you to two really good blogger friends of mine – Ally from Acting Like a Mama and Helen of Bells Knits and Delly & Bells Go on a Food Safari.

Just before these photographs were taken at least one of us had imbibed:

  • a few wee goldies
  • a couple of glasses of champagne
  • a glass of red wine (or two)

As Bern Morley mentioned the next day, it was really all downhill to Big White Telephone via the bottle of port from there on in. Luckily, I’d already polished that off on Christmas day.

You can’t really see the shoes in the picture above which is a bit of a fail from the Shoeperchallenge perspective. Here they are:

Filippo Raphael Black Mid-Heel Pumps with lacing detail

Funnily enough, when I blogged about these shoes this time last year, corsets managed to make a sneak appearance too. At that stage, I had no corsets. Now I have four and counting, luckily these are easier to store than shoes.

The Gory Details

Frock (Mine):  Rockchic silk mini shift

Helen/Bells:    Dress by Debenhams

Vollers Black Satin Underbust Corset V1918

Ally:                    I forgot to ask. See alcohol consumption reference op cit.

Twice Bitten – Shoeper Shoe Challenge #10 of 105


Simba the Lion Cub, Denizen of Calderpark (Glasgow) Zoo

As she very often does, my good friend  Carol Duncan has just stirred up something in my memory (see her comment on this post). She made me remember that a fifteen years ago I was someone else, or at least I looked like someone else.

For a start I was twice the size that I am now.  Those of you who remember me from Scotland will remember the dark days when I drank too much, when I couldn’t sleep without drinking too much, when I didn’t take care of myself.   I don’t want to go back to those days ever again.

When this picture was taken I was on the mend. My sister’s friend A (a zoo keeper) had to mind two baby lion cubs (Simba and Akita) over the Christmas holidays. Their mother had rejected them and refused to feed them. They were little and needed 24 hour care, as infants do  I found this really old grainy video on You Tube which shows the two lions in A’s house.

We were invited over to A’s house during the Christmas holidays (December 1998) to the meet the lion cubs. It was an invitation that no one in their right mind would refuse.

At the time when these pictures were taken, I spent most of my time in jeans and walking boots. No idea why because I don’t remember actually doing that much walking.  I did spend a long time on my nails though, which seems odd looking at my gnawed cuticles now. Funny how things change.


Me hanging out with my temporary pal Simba.


It’s weird but lions are not in the least bit silky. Their fur is rough, like a labrador dog’s coat.  They bite a lot. This is fine when they are the size shown above, it’s kind of cute.

The second time that I met Simba, he was the size pictured at the top of the post. He was in fact about to jump on me when the photograph was taken. I was wearing a big fake fur coat. He jumped on my back and sank his teeth into my neck.  It was done in fun but I could feel steel in the playful nip. When he dug his teeth in, he started to shake me by the neck. I felt cold terror for the first time in my life.

I’ve been bitten twice by the same lion and survived as my husband likes to tell people. I wouldn’t want to go back to offer him a third chomp.

It’s kind of hard to replicate the high of playing with lions. I wonder how zoo keepers who tend to elephants downsize to cats and dogs.

Funnily enough in the thirteen years since these photos were taken my perception of life in general and heel height in particular has changed.

When I bought these shoes (at the insistence of my father) I thought that they were really quite high, almost too high and flimsy to easily walk in.


Dolcis Silver Satin Sparkly Sandals

And now? Now, at the insistence of my boss today, I’m going to concentrate on being happy* again.

Well, that’s the only reason I can explain why I ended up in the back garden doing lion impersonations. Life does funny things to a person.

Floaty Blouse - Wayne Cooper. Silk Skirt - Marc Jacobs. Shoes: Dolcis.

Floaty Blouse - Wayne Cooper. Silk Skirt - Marc Jacobs. Shoes: Dolcis.

*For happy, insert slightly unhinged.

Are you the same person that you were 10 years ago? If not, why not? What’s changed? Has it changed for better or for worse?

Losing my Platform Boot Virginity – Another Boy in Boots Guest Shoe Post by Erk

Until mid 2010, I had never dreamed of wearing any boots bigger than a standard work boot. If you had of told me 6 months ago that I would be writing a blog post about shoes in 2011, I would have laughed in your face for several minutes. As a guy who is around 180 cm (5 ft 10 inches) tall, you would not think that I needed any extra height.

At the end of 2010, I started to attend a series of metal music shows, primarily in western Sydney. During these shows, I would see several women and at least one vocalist wearing platform boots. I thought that these boots would be nice to wear out to these sort of shows. Speaking to my friend eXplain (vocalist for metal band Foundry Road), he told me that he got his boots on eBay. I put the thought to one side for several months.

eXplain (vocalist for metal band Foundry Road)

With every show I went to, my fondness for the boots grew. I started looking around my local shoe stores without success before going online. Several Google searches later, I found the brand of boot I wanted, Demonia. I then found the exact shoe I wanted. I could have copied eXplain and been happy with 2 or 3 inches. I was not happy with merely copying the man whose inspiration for the face paint came from Heath Ledger in Batman Returns. I had to stand out – as if I didn’t
stand out already. So I went all out.

Demonia Seven Inch Platform Boots

7 inches.

With the boots selected, I would go from being 5 ft 10 inches to around 6 ft 6 inches tall. I told my mother about the boots and she was convinced that I was:

a) turning goth;
b) determined to break my neck; or
c) stark raving mad.

Some friends were happy for me, others thought I was over compensating. Other people who were shorter than me anyway were convinced that they would need a step ladder to talk to me. At this stage though, the plan was still a picture on my monitor.

If in doubt, do a Google search or check on eBay………

eBay confirmed that there were Australian eBay stores with the boots available. Having never worn anything bigger than a work boot, I was hesitant. I searched for a local store that I could physically go to and try the boots on. After all, could I get them in my size? In a standard shoe or a work boot, I am an Australian size 11 or 12 depending on the shoe concerned. I had to check to see if the boots were in UK or US sizes as I had not purchased shoes from either country. I wanted to be sure that I could fit my foot and then my lower leg into the boots. Several unsuccessful searches later, I was resigned to the fact that I would have to take a punt and try my luck on eBay and order the boots sight unseen.

I soon found an Australian store with my size and to be safe, I ordered an Australian men’s size 13. With my credit card number firmly in my memory, I ordered the boots. A pair of black Demonia 308 Platform Boots were on their way to me from the US. I had one month for the boots to arrive as I wanted to wear them for the first time at a metal weekend raising money for Queensland flood victims. At this point, my Facebook and Twitter streams were running hot with comments.

In a relatively fast 2 weeks, there was a massive package waiting for me on my front verandah a couple of Thursdays later. My boots had arrived! I was excited to say the least. I opened the box and there they were, my shiny black 7 inch platform boots. Being a platform boot virgin, I thought that the straps on the boots were for mere decoration. Unzipping the boots, I could fit my feet into the boots but the zip would not go all the way to the top and the straps were too short. Oh no! My plan was ruined not by the size of the soles (and not soul as one online shop said) but by the size of my lower legs!

There was nothing on any website that I saw that took into account the size and shape of one’s legs! After putting both boots on, I posed for a photo. It was very strange now being 6 ft 6 inches tall in my bedroom! After the photo, I took the boots off, sad to think that they do not fit properly and that I would never be able to wear them for their intended purpose. I posted the following status on Facebook:

FOR SALE: Demonia 308 Platform Boots (7 inch platforms). Mens size 13. $130. My boots arrived today and they fit my feet fine but I can’t get them to zip all the way up my leg (the boots are too narrow for mylegs). It’s a shame because they are comfortable & I did enjoy being 6 foot 6 for 5 minutes.”

Another complication was the eBay seller’s returns policy. I had 7 days to return the boots to them via the post however when investigating the returns policy, their website told me that they were
going on holidays for 3 weeks! So what was I going to do? Hold ontothe boots? Resell them on eBay? Return them? I was heartbroken and confused.

That night, I went to a regular karaoke night that I attend when I can at a local hotel. A friend who has more boot experience than I do (that’s not hard!) taught me that the straps were not there merely for decoration and that yes, I could let the straps out. I learnt not to wear shorts with the boots and I also learnt that the straps were not long enough. That night, I wore the boots around the pub. People that had previously seen me for weeks at the pub suddenly noticed me and people wanted to dance with me, twirling me around. One woman even thought she could stand on the top of the boots like a platform. The top of the boots are deceptively soft as we both found out. I was having a great time!

After various people advised me to do so, I went to a bootmaker the next day. After trying my boot on again with the straps done up tight, he advised me that he could extend the straps at the bottom and extend the tounge across. This would take a week and then I would have the
boots in time for another show the week before I needed the boots for the benefit weekend. While the bootmaker visit might add $70 to the effective cost of the shoes, it was very important to do the alterations. Safety with shoes is very important and is even more important when wearing heels or platforms as I would soon find out over coming weeks. A week later, I picked up the boots and the strap extensions enabled me to completely zip up and strap up the boots. For the first time, I was 100% strapped and zipped into the boots. All I would need to do was learn to walk again……..

Erk & eXplain - Boot Battle

Learning to walk again” might seem like an exaggeration for most women reading this story, especially those used to wearing heels for many hours at a time. For me, though, it is true. A few people have commented that I stomp around while wearing the boots like Herman Munster or Gomez Addams. Sometimes, it feels like I am walking around in flippers and at other times, it feels like I am wearing concrete shoes. Even after wearing the shoes on separate occasions at different venues, I have noticed that I am a lot more careful especially around stairs and changes in height on floors. I have also noticed that I now overhang various stairs with my boots by a long margin. I have not fallen over (YET!) but I have had a couple of close calls. I have noticed that I am getting a lot more attention from the ladies, especially the first couple of times when they decided that my boots needed to be tighter. They would then proceed to loosen the straps and re-tighten them. I soon learnt to do the zippers up first then worry about tightening the straps.

I love wearing these boots. I do not wear them every day nor do I drive in them. I have had my workmates who have seen the boots on Facebook ask me to wear the boots to work but I will not do that. These boots are not made for working.

Some people have been stunned when they see the boots, even if I am holding them in my hands. Some people think that the boots are cool, some people openly laugh and some people are concerned that I will break my neck. I have even had tall women tell me that I make them feel short and that is a nice change for them. I have also had short women ask me not to stand next
to them as they feel even shorter!

Am I happy with the $130 that I spent on the shoes plus the $70 on alterations? AB-SOLE-LOOT-LY!

When Erk is not wearing 7 inch platform boots, he is either driving
trains, on Twitter as @erkpod or podcasting on Channel Erk



Fashion Swap Items for Aussie Bloggers Conference

Fashion Swap - Aussie Bloggers Conference 2011

For more information on the Fashion Swap scheduled to take place next Saturday, 19 March 2011 see here and here.

The Dirty No Good Lying Shoes

First up, the shoes.  I hate getting rid of perfectly good shoes but these shoes are lying, no good shoes.

They say that they are a size 38 Euro, size 7 US/AUS, size 5 UK but they are not.

If they were the size that they claim to be my toes wouldn’t fall asleep when I wear them. I have worn them once to work.  It was a painful experience.

If you are a size 37 Euro, size 6 US/AUS, size 4.5 UK these would probably fit you beautifully.

Two Essential Black A-Line Skirts

You can never have too many simple black skirts. I like a bit of texture to mine. These are just a bit too big for me now.

(a) One Linen Skirt Embroidered and Sequinned – Size 10 from Target

(b)   One 100% Cotton by Quick Brown A Line Skirt

Size 10 Embroidered Cotton A Line Skirt

My Little Pony (Skin) Pencil Skirt

Fake Pony skin pencil Skirt – Jaeger Size 14 – Cotton/Rayon mix circa 1995.  I loved this skirt particularly the texture.  I would say that it would fit a size 12 to a small size 14.

Classic pencil skirt shape just a wee bit furrier than usual

The Essential Black Shift Dress & Suit Jacket

By Laura Ashley. Bought March 2000.  Both mostly rayon/polyester mix.  I couldn’t believe how sweat I produced on the way too and from work. These items were washable.

Suit jacket is size 10 – 12.  Shift dress is a size 12.

Remember to claim it if you are attending the Aussie Bloggers Conference, please list the item and the phrase ‘It’s Mine!’ in the comments below.

Make sure that you include an email address, blog and/or Twitter name so that I can contact you to confirm your interest.

I’ll be posting a couple of tops tomorrow.