Guest Blog Post – Neverwhereland’s Deadly Guide to Effective Stiletto Usage

Then she says she needs affection

While she searches for the vein

She’s so good with her stiletto,

You don’t really mind the pain

Billy Joel – Stiletto

Does anyone remember American Maid from the TV  show ‘The Tick’?  Her superpowers were non-existent but she was rampantly patriotic with acrobatic skills and the ability to disarm villains by chucking stilettos at them.  Stilettos are aggressive shoes, predatory shoes, look-at-me-or-else shoes.   The effect of a pair of stilettos cannot be underestimated.

American Maid from The Tick - Weapons: Stiletto heels and tiara

But be warned – these shoes take no prisoners – you have to work them (and walk in them properly). Here’s how:

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There’s only two things guaranteed to put this woman in a bigger ‘devil may care’ attitude than normal: great hair and great shoes.

The hair is fairly mandatory, long, short, blonde, brunette and so forth, but with shoes you can portray a different character every day. The ‘you can look, but you can’t touch siren’, the business chic ‘mess with me and I’ll drop kick your butt’, the beach dude, urban warrior, even make up your own character, the possibilities are endless.

But my favourite must be the Stiletto heel, either the shoe, boot or sandal. They make a straight back straighter, a boring woman sexy and short legs enticingly grow longer, to reach the parts most men dream of.

A word of warning though, only wear with confidence, otherwise you’ll look knock-kneed, pidgeon-toed and you’ll be the recipient of knowledgeable smirks from the caring, sharing, unforgiving female community!

Put me in stilettos and HELLO this wench can manipulate, flirt, rule the world and love every moment of it. Stilettos make me look good, I know I have legs ‘to die for’, but stilettos make everyone else aware of that too. They give me a walk that accentuates my body, making it sticking out in all the right places, what more is there to say I LOVE THEM.

But if you can’t walk the walk then you might as well be in gold plated Flip-Flops and slouch you way through life.

So walk with toes pointing slightly outwards, long to medium steps, like a dancer, whether in a hurry or giving a performance, always make yourself worth watching. The secret of the hip movement is as follows, in your head move each hip in a figure eight shape. With each step movement of the leg, thrust the same side hip to the side and push the bottom cheek forward.

This applies whenever you wear stilettos, dressing up or down, they can transform you instantly, they instil ideas in areas of peoples minds long thought dormant.

The danger zone with stilettos is not only the Monty Python walk but the stockings, tights and length of skirt. One false move and the hooker syndrome kicks in.

For instance I have two pairs of black stiletto boots, (leather & suede) masses of buckles, put me in a micro skirt, I’d earn a fortune down the ‘gas works’. But put me in a ‘just above the knee’ black skirt, plain top, long necklace to finish off and I look chic, sleek and ok – I admit it – sexy as well.

Stiletto Heeled Boots x 2

I don’t think it matters if the legwear is lace, fishnet or plain if the clothing is subdued or visa versa. What is important is that the stiletto is used as an asset in the image you have created for yourself that day.

For some unexplainable reason as with all styles of shoes, some stilettos are literally a pain to wear, these I don’t even try to wear, so when did a lip look good, and plasters are such a ‘turn off’. That’s why I never ever buy mail order, when I shop for shoes I have a permanent cheesy grin, that way then assistant takes longer to lose her cool with me, try it!

I’m trying to think if I have a pair I adore the best, I don’t, I adore them all. What I do have is a staple diet of about six stiletto pairs that I can match up with most clothes for most daily situations.

Weapons of Mass Destruction

What I will say is that if you find a pair you love, safe guard them with your life, treat them with respect and they will be your best friend forever (and marry a cobbler) …

Heidi aka @Neverwhereland

10 thoughts on “Guest Blog Post – Neverwhereland’s Deadly Guide to Effective Stiletto Usage

  1. Good tips. I also think that the second you feel confident in a pair of stilettos, go higher.

    This post made me a little sad since I’m suffering from a broken foot caused by one of my over the knee 4″ stiletto boots having a fight with a whole in the Crown St footpath.

    My Dr has prescribed me ugly flat shoes for four weeks. I shall miss my beautiful shoes and make up for it when I recover.

    Thank you for reminding me again why this short girl with great legs, loves her pumps.

  2. You do have cracking legs. The accident wasn’t caused by the Geek Ladies Lunch boots was it?

    That is another brilliant quote “the second you feel confident in a pair of stilettos go higher”. Six inches, here we come!

  3. But how tall is too tall? I’m 5′ 9″ … and I find that three inches is plenty (at least as far as heels go …), I fear that if I slip on much more than that, I’ll start to look like a freak.

    A freak with really hot legs, but a freak none-the-less.

    And what about when you’re trying to drip most hotly off the arm of a 5′ 6″ man?

    Dilemma.

    Ladies, I need your help.

  4. I may be wrong but a lot of men like (secretly) like looking up at a women towering over them in heels.

    That aside, I think that you should get on your highest heels Carol for work and girls’ nights out. We have one every now and again in Sydney for just this very purpose

  5. Love this (not surprising, can’t think of a post on this blog I haven’t loved!)

    My husband made the point to me once that men like women in heels because of what it does to their “other parts.” I think I even mentioned it in my guest post here.

    I don’t get much chance to wear stilettos as I am not only a SAHM but a home-schooling one as well. I did wear an adorable pair of heels with my jeans when I went grocery shopping tonight (!) that I think could be considered “stilettos.”

    I will have to start looking for some sweet stilettos. You have inspired me!

    • Stilettos are actually the most versatile shoe style – for folk unaccustomed (as we are) to walking in heels a 2.5 – 3 inch stiletto heel is a good starting point. From there as Damana says, the only logical way is up.

      Have you ever sen this Helmut Newton photograph for stiletto heeled boots by Karl Lagerfeld.

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