Day 74 of the Shoe Challenge – Kinky Knitting Sandals & Kylie Minogue

My husband saves up and sends me the best news headlines of the day via SMS. He is like my own personal Twitter-stream without the knowledge of emoticons.

10 year wait for allotments in Glasgow” he texted this afternoon.  I didn’t reply with my ‘oh really how odd‘ smiley face ( :P)  Rudely I don’t think that I actually replied at all. That was a mistake.

World’s biggest beaver dam found. He he” he texted not long after.

Love it, love you” I replied. Luckily that seemed to stop the news text stream from exacerbating therefrom to truly lewd proportions.

Until I got home that is. After opening the front door and stepping over and around a collection of continental quilts and  pillows and soft toys and children who seem to prefer to pretend to be in their beds than actually be in them my husband said:

I’ve found the material for tonight’s blog. How can someone get their footwear soooooooo wrong.  Has she lost the PLOT!!!!!

I was told to close my eyes. There was a rustling of paper. I was told to open my eyes.

This is what I saw:

Oor Kylie, as the Australians would say if they were Scottish, wearing what are allegedly thigh high cut out latex boots.

And so the Boot Queen topples herself from her pedestal. What a terrible pair of boots. What a huge disappointment. The only thing worse for me would be finding out that Dita Von Teese wears these to her Pilates classes:

Adidas(TM) Track Suit Pants

The thing is that Kylie is kind of a boot goddess of mine.

May I remind you  of some of Kylie’s past boot glories?  Here are some of the great pairs of boots that she has worn that I have lusted my little footwear obsessed heart out over:

Kylie in Gucci Boots:

Kyie Minogue - Gucci Boots

Kylie in bondage boots:

Kylie Minogue in Christian Laboutin Fringed Boots

Kylie in fringed Christian Laboutin suede boots:

Or these Christian Laboutin thigh boots:

And finally Kylie Minogue in Supra Fifre 120 thigh-high boots

The divine Ms M is a veritable boot connoisseur.  I cannot imagine her voluntarily choosing a pair of stripper’s latex cut-out platform boots for a video shoot in her wildest, chocolate n cheese induced nightmares.

I can see, however, that she is trying to rock the boat. Do things a little differently. See things from a slightly different angle.

So here it is Kylie – why not strap on these sandals and tie them up your gorgeous legs. I defy you to go walk more than four metres before the straps start to unravel.

These are the equivalent of Kinky Knitting Sandals – and they are yours if you can figure out how to tie the buggers so that they don’t start to unravel as soon as I start walking.  The shoe equivalent of having one’s knickers round one’s ankles and trying to dance like that is super-entertaining provided that you have had a Wee Goldie first.

Urban Soul Strappy Sandals

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10 thoughts on “Day 74 of the Shoe Challenge – Kinky Knitting Sandals & Kylie Minogue

  1. Well, I can maybe help with tying the shoes so they stay on. Granted, it’s a long shot, but we can try.

    Backstory on this suggestion is:

    Working in theatre, we share among ourselves various tricks of the trade. One of my favorite people out here is an ex Radio City Rockette who turned dresser after 28 years of doing kick lines. She has some amazing tidbits to share that make quick changes go so much more smoothly. Anyway, back when we were both on MARY POPPINS, (she was star dressing Ashley, who opened the show over here in NYC as Mary) she showed me the most amazing way to tie Ashley’s lace up boots (which had been quick rigged with elastic laces, and believe me, elastic laces have a tendency to come undone at the most inopportune moments).

    Anyway, Ginny shared the patented “Rockette shoe lace tie”, and it worked every time. Having said all this, it occurs to me that it actually needs to be demonstrated to be understood, so while I do have a solution to your problem, I’m afraid I can’t reveal it to you until I see you face to face.

    I’ll book a flight right away.

  2. Oh poor Kylie! The problem here is Lady Gaga. Lady G does wacky shoes so effortlessly that she inspires others to think that they can do the same. While I applaud people thinking outside of the reasonable-black-boot-with-modest-1-inch-heel box, this is very very treacherous ground we are on. In general though, I am proud of Kylie for trying.

    • The Gaga is a true original. She does dress up with the je ne sais quoi of a two year old. Kylie needs to stick to her boots roots I reckon. Once upon a time people copied her not vice versa

  3. I do like those sandals they are a grown up version of the ones I had when I was little (the multicoloured ones – not the kylie ones – that would be a little odd…) have you thought about plaiting the laces?

    • I did plait them up April – the left leg was fine, the right (dominant) leg muscles were the ones that kept bustin’ through the lacing. I ended up tying them like this really tightly. My right foot went a bit numb but the laces stayed in place.

    • Kylie’s bum has a hypnotic effect on most men. I could probably have asked for your credit card number half-way through this post and you wouldn’t have noticed.

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