Day 63 of the Shoe Challenge – I don’t do Domesticity but I do do Diamante

Today’s post is six days late.

I would like to be able to say that this is because I was busy at work this week (I was).  I would also like to be able to say that I had a lot to do on the domestic front (I did). The sad fact of the matter, though,  is that I am just really quite crap at doing a lot of things at once. 

If I have a lot of things to do once what I tend to do first is fart about, copiously.

Farting about is, I find, a very self nurturing exercise. It allows me time to think about all other stuff that I could be doing if I didn’t have to do the stuff that I was avoiding doing.

Once upon a time when I was a Baby Lawyer, I applied to lots of big law firms for a trainee lawyership. One such firm was BS, a highly regarded corporate law firm in Glasgow. The girl trainee lawyers all looked like Ally McBeal.  The boy trainee lawyers all smelled nice which is highly unusual in Glasgow.  It appeared to be a good place to work.

As part of its selection process for trainee lawyers, BS used psychometric tests as a way of choosing the best graduates to recruit. Nowadays this is nothing new but in the early Nineties this was cutting edge stuff.  Kind of scary cutting edge stuff – as I went into the test room, I started to get apprehensive. What deep dark secrets would this test reveal about me?

The psychometric questions that BS asked me were from one of those Myer Briggs type tests. For example:

Question: What is the accomplishment that you are most proud of?

Answer: Learning to walk in 5 inch heels.

Question: What is your favourite colour and why?

Answer:  Red patent leather. It makes my feet smile.

About halfway through the test I started to enjoy myself enormously – who doesn’t like talking about themselves after all, even if it is just to a piece of paper.

The results came in a week later.  I was scored as a ENTP personality type.  An ENTP personality type person has the following skills:

Logical decision making abilities; social skills (warm, friendly blah blah); a creative  and orginal approach to problem solving.

An ENTP personality has the following glaring flaws:

a tendency to fail to maintain focus in tasks; an inability to finish projects due to a tendency to get bored and wander off once things are underway and a preference to learn new skills instead of focusing upon those previously learned.

Put quite simply, the HR director told me, I was never going to be much cop at completing things. Unsurprisingly, I wasn’t called in for an interview which is a shame as I have elevated Farting About to a veritable art form.

Which is why, instead of doing necessary paperwork (getting last year’s tax return stuff together) and finishing off last week’s blog posts (Wednesday and Thursday last week) I managed to:

  • Clean the undersides of  all the kitchen cabinets.
  • Reorganise the Minx’s shoes and clothes and the contents of the cutlery drawer by colour, smell and texture.
  • Finally put all the winter clothes that were cluttering up my wardrobe into plastic storage boxes in the garage.
  • Do four loads of washing and fold the washing up and put the washing in the spaces left by the aforesaid winter clothes which were now in boxes.
  • Update my Twitter status pretty much thrice hourly over a four day period (Friday – Monday inclusive).

If you are currently living in Australia you will know that the end of March  is the tail end of the Antipodean Autumn.  As at Anzac Day,  it will suddenly get quite cold in Sydney quite quickly. In less than a month, it will be time to get all the winter clothing back out of the garage again. So my little spurt of attempted domesticity was completely pointless.

What I could have been doing with myself and didn’t get around to might have involved improving my useful domestic skills base, for example:

  • Washing windows. We have been living in this house for over 5 years.  I haven’t washed the windows once.  I have spread the dirt around inside using spray blue window cleaner.  Occasionally I vacuum the fly screens and then my husband uses the garden hose to blast the worst of the dead insects and detritus off. The windows are kind of mawkit*. There must be a good course out there on window washing.
  • Learning how to do the ironing. There is an iron in the house. Everytime my husband irons a shirt to go out he gathers the weans about him and says to them solemnly “Children, this is an Iron. Your mother does not iron. If you would like to know how to iron, please ask me“. This is not an unfair comment. I have maybe ironed about 5 times in the last 10 years, if not the last 20 years.
  • Having a go at sewing. Actually, I do know how to sew, I am just not very good at it. One of the boxes in the garage is full of items of clothing that need buttons sewn on or zips fixed or something similar.  I open the box occasionally and peer in to see if the pixies have fixed anything yet. They haven’t.
  • Cooking. It would be an interesting exercise to cook a recipe from beginning to end without say, looking for Irregular Choice shoes on eBay, Google-ing Latin swear words or Tweeting. My food might end up actually being edible.  My husband would no doubt appreciate this almost as much as me transmogrifying into Nigella Lawson overnight.

If I learned some these new skills, I could take up the legs of my jeans myself.  As you can see from the jeans featured in this blog, mine trail on the ground (See Day 24 of the Shoe Challenge – The Colour of Controversy and Day  53 of the Shoe Challenge – Platform Slides, Plane Pee & the Perennial Problems of Denim Purchases) Of course, if I did that I wouldn’t have to keep finding heels high enough to keep the bottoms trailing on the ground.

And that would not do at all.


* Mawkit = Scots vernacular for filthy. dirty, grubby and/or foul in the extreme.

5 thoughts on “Day 63 of the Shoe Challenge – I don’t do Domesticity but I do do Diamante

  1. I love you! And I miss you/your blog dreadfully when I’m otherwise preoccupied.
    If I had ever managed to decide on a lawyerly career path (let alone do my HSC homework instead of everyone else’s, attend classes instead of philosophising, study for the correct exams, choose a uni, complete an application etc)… Then we’d pretty much be twins.
    You give me hope!!
    And I love patent leather.

  2. Farting about must be a family trait. It’s not that i don’t want to get the taxes done, especially now that the April 15th deadline is looming ever closer, it’s that I can honestly find so many more interesting things to do instead. In fact, they don’t even have to be interesting. Case in point. I have pissed away a solid 6 hours this afternoon just trawling Youtube for old ’80s videos…and the tax papers are still staring at me, waiting to be categorized and sent away to the accountant who will wave a magic wand and, HOPEFULLY, get Uncle Sam to send us a refund.

    As to the rest:

    – WASHING WINDOWS : I have, not once, washed a window since moving to NYC. Not even the interior. In my defense, i live on the 6th floor, and there is no way in hell I’m leaning my sorry butt out the window just to do a half assed job of smearing the grime around. I’ll wait for the rains to take care of that. In the meantime, there’s very little of a picturesque nature outside my windows. Ergo, no need for a crystal clear view.

    – IRONING : we don’t even have a full sized ironing board in the apartment. Just one of those crappy table top versions. Totally ineffective. Anyway, the only real time I’m in need of a press is when Chris and I are going out. If we’re going out somewhere dressy, it usually means it’s theatre/work related. Therefore, I just use the better quality irons and boards at the theatre, or have someone on my crew press it for me, that is if I haven’t harped on Chris to the point where he just gives up and takes the suit and shirt to the cleaners for a good professional pressing.

    – SEWING : I don’t sew for pleasure any more. Gone are the days of whipping up a cute little summer halter dress. Now, sewing is a necessity, like taxes. Which, if you recall, I do most anything in my power to avoid doing.

    – COOKING : Not good at it. Never have been. Never will be. See no need to rectify this situation. Plenty of decent carry outs and deliveries in the neighborhood.

    PS: I now want to take that personality test and see how accurate it might be. It could be interesting, unless I get bored halfway through the test…

  3. Turn the cuffs of your jeans up. They’ll catch all that extra dirt around, and they may even make you a trendsetter………. 😉

  4. Farting around.. yes! Something I truly excel at also. And this:

    “Farting about is, I find, a very self nurturing exercise. It allows me time to think about all other stuff that I could be doing if I didn’t have to do the stuff that I was avoiding doing.”

    has given me further reason to continue doing it, not that I would ever have stopped anyway.

    And ironing? I iron one item, once a year. It’s quite the novelty when I do it that infrequently. 😀

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