Day 62 of the Shoe Challenge – Flagitious Pandas & Nefarious Sandals

Ravel Sandals

Sometimes things are not as they seem.

This is Pandy.

Pandy, the Evil Panda

Pandy looks appealing. He comes, as far as the Minx is concerned, in the colours of appeal – that is the trusty black/white combo.

Black and white toys, as anyone involved in selling childcare products will tell you, are vital for stimulating the visual perception of babies. Little people reflexively prefer to look at high-contrast edges and patterns. Of course, some of us Generation X vintage parents had absolutely no choice but to look at black and white patterns – our parents couldn’t afford colour tellies until the Seventies.  When I watched the moon landings on TV (after Andy Pandy) the whole thing looked looked a bit like this:

Moon Landings July 20, 1969

Since I was a small person at the time, to this day I am convinced that Apollo 11 actually landed on this wee, small, hollow plane right here nourished by Blue String Pudding:

So it wasn’t too hard for me to believe that NASA did in fact fake the moon landings with the help of Oliver Postgate and The Clangers team.

In fact, I am still more excited by the possibility that Buzz Aldren might have met the Soup Dragon than by the alleged  moon landings themselves.  Such is the power of black and white on young children.

It is just this magic that I relied on to perform a swift and really not very nice sleight of hand on my poor, wee unsuspecting Minx. He may look cute but Pandy is, in fact, baby bondage.

His cute little paws circle my daughter’s chest in not-so-cleverly-concealed plastic harness clips. Once on his tail, much longer than the tail of any ring-tailed lemur let alone a panda, becomes a leash or a tether rope.  In other words Pandy is… a set of child reins.  In one fell swoop I have turned my daughter into a pony for a cuddly panda.

For many years I vowed that I would not put child reins on my child.  I watched a grandfather take his six grandchildren for a walk, tethered together like sheep with a clothes line and shuddered.  Thank goodness, I thought, that I don’t have to inflict that torture on my child. This was before the aforesaid child exhibited the ability to end up in the middle of a dual carriageway in the time that it takes to scream STOOOOOOOP.

To get over the guilt of pulling a fast one on my daughter I feed her chocolate to stop her screaming while I strap her into her Panda prison.

Meantime, on the shoe front I found myself wearing what appear, prima facie, to be bondage gladiator sandals styled on those worn by the lovely Rihanna

Givenchy Bondage Sandals

But as with Evil Panda, my sandals are not what they seem and, in fact, have an nefarious purpose. Whereas the Givenchy sandals when viewed in profile have a dangerous, spiky heel:

my sandals turned to one side show a heel of the height that the tea lady would wear when wheeling in the refreshments trolley to the gladiators:

Despite their nefarious purpose (enabling me to walk) the sandals are otherwise a good sort and I am happy to have them in my home and on my feet.

The Panda, on the other hand, is probably going to spend the night in the freezer in the garage.  Just in case.

_________________________________________________________________________

If you have never watched the Clangers, get yourself over here and watch it forthwith.

2 thoughts on “Day 62 of the Shoe Challenge – Flagitious Pandas & Nefarious Sandals

  1. Oh no, there have to be safe ways to control toddlers- have to be.
    Son stayed in stroller or in arms till in primary school – that worked.
    daughter insisted on walking and walking AS A PUPPY.
    You have not felt true motherhood guilt till you walk your child down the road on a coller and leash (DOGs collar and DOGS leash – helpfully* supplied by grandparents, hidden and re-found every day) the looks, oh the looks from other parents – sigh…but when she was a puppy she didn’t keep trying to run across roads – which was good. A very clever circus puppy that wanted to walk on its hindlegs PLEASE
    *helpfully used in the sense of NOT HELPFUL AT ALL
    (and i hope the night in the freezer worked on the panda of DOOOOM)

    • Actually, that does make me feel a lot better! The Minix does like to run around on all fours growling and barking. Maybe the leash would be a more acceptable option for her…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s