Day 61 of the Shoe Challenge – It’s not your shoes I’m looking at…

Filippo Raphael black pumps (low) 3 inch heel

Many people  have completely the wrong impression of me.

I have met a few blog readers now. Before each meeting they will send me a text message saying something along the lines of –

I am wearing flats/sandals/bare feet, please don’t be offended. Please don’t judge me.

These people all think that because I love shoes, because I blog about shoes,  the first thing that I will notice about a person is their shoes. People often think that but no, I do not notice your shoes – the first thing that I notice about you all is ….

Actually, I couldn't stop staring at your teeth.

… your teeth or lack thereof. I got the Austin Powers teeth jokes because I am obsessed with teeth. As a British person, I find it impossible not to look at people’s teeth. I will tell you now that everything that you have ever heard about British people in the teeth department is absolutely true -British people have horrible teeth. Middle class Australian people in common with middle class North America and Canadian people have nice teeth. There is a class based teeth divide.

Remember also that I am Scottish – if English is the Bad Teeth progenitor of the world, Scotland is the Nae Teeth equivalent.

My gran, for example, was encouraged to get her teeth out at the first sign of toothache. One of my dentists back home told me twelve years ago about a (then) middle  aged woman who had come in to her for new dentures. This lady had apparently been taken to the dentist at the age of 15 with toothache and put under general anaesthetic only to wake up and find that all her teeth had been extracted. Her  mother thought it best to avoid any future toothache.  These days, of course, one could probably have the dentist charged with assault for removing the aforesaid lady’s teeth without consent but  in those days folk had stiffer upper lips (due to the dentures, no doubt).

There is a long and rich tradition of truly awful British teeth in the public eye.

My father could never watch (or listen to)  David Bowie because of his crooked  teeth:

which are still scary to this day despite being fixed –

although not quite as bad as say, Kate Moss’ ex Pete Doherty –

but certainly not as bad as  (heaven forfend) Shane McGowan of the Pogues –

Victoria Clarke, Shane’s gorgeous girlfriend, now has to speak for him in interviews because he has no teeth left and cannot, therefore, speak for himself. Am I the only person out there who wonders and balks at snogging a man WITH NO TEETH?

It is one of my great character flaws noticing teeth. So much so that if I had done that interview with Shane  linked to above I would be sitting on his lap peering into his mouth and counting the stumps.

I digress.

Where did this obsession come from? I suspect that it, like my obsession with boots, came from my dad. He has been going on about nice looking teeth for as long as I can remember him going on about anything. He has spent the price of a Jaguar car and more over the years on preserving his teeth.

So now that I am here in the land of the almost perfect teeeth (Australia) what am I looking at?

It is certainly not your shoes.  Bear in mind though, that I do have a residual shoe memory (RSM) chip built in. While I am looking at your teeth some recessive shoe recognition gene is at work in the back of my brain processing your shoes.

But for my RSM why would I have chosen to purchase these shoes?

Well in order to answer that question, you have to dig deep into my RSM… back to 1968 and to the film Chitty Bang Bang. Check out the video link, but keep a firm eye on Sally Anne Howe’s shoes…

PS I have to say  Anna Quayle’s corset scene in that film (as Baroness  Bomburst) still defines my idea of sexy female boudoir attire to this day…

Anna Quayle in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (with corset)

But that, my dear people, is a repressed memory to be unleashed some other time. if you  are up for the challenge…

10 thoughts on “Day 61 of the Shoe Challenge – It’s not your shoes I’m looking at…

  1. I am never going to be able to speak to you again in person. from this day forth we are to only communicate via electronic means… I just weirded me out!

    PS, do you think the kids will somehow get Aussie teeth via a process of osmosis?

    • You have lovely teeth, why do you think we are friends? Hopefully the weans will acquire Aussie teeth through drinking tap water, spending time at the beach and if all else fails, orthodontics.

  2. You will be glad to hear you have something in common with my boys. Not an obsession with teeth, but an appreciation for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. They LOVE it. I keep it up my sleeve for emergencies as it lasts for hours and hours and it is possibly the only film they are willing to sit down and watch from beginning to end. They think the baroness is hilarious, although I must admit I worry about how they might be affected by the scene where she gets shot by her husband to deflate her ballooning skirt. The great glee he takes at shooting his wife is somewhat disturbing…

    • It is funny that you should mention this M. There is that theory that most men marry women who remind them of their mothers. At some point, they feel the need to get their own back for all the slights, the hurt and the punishment inflicted on them. I think what I found more alarming was the the Baroness is quite a sexy lady and her infantile husband misses this entirely. Unless his desire to kill her is an attempt to kill his Oedipal attaraction to her. Your comments always get me thinking…

  3. Ok, the teeth are devastatingly terrible. The problem with teeth that bad, especially those of Shane McGowan, is that you know there is no way in hell you’re getting minty fresh breath out of that grill. I can’t imagine being within 4 feet of that mess, never mind getting close enough to kiss it. The thought sends a literal shudder down my spine.

    On another note, one that references your attachment to the corset scene in CHITTY, did I ever tell you that I love to make leather corsets? I started making them for myself while I was touring with Peter Pan, sort of as a way to pass the time in a creative manner. I have never actually worn them out in public, but they are very comfortable because they are fit to my measurements. I just loved shopping the soft, supple leathers needed, then transforming them into a wearable corset.

    See, how you feel about shoes is how I feel about fabric, and the creative process of design and execution that ends with a stunning garment.

  4. Anna quayle as the Baroness has always been my benchmark for sexy attire!

    Always found the interaction between the Baron and Baroness unbelievable and disturbing. She was a real hottie and loved her man to death. He should have had it made with a women like that.

    Wow to wake up on my birthday to my wife in a tight sexy corset flirting with me..and for this he tries to kill her??

  5. I have to admit I do have an obsession with teeth, also. 2 things I look for in a man is if he has a job and good teeth. It’s kind of like when a person is buying a horse. You want to make sure it is fast and has good chompers.

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