Self Injurious Behaviors (SIBs) are ways that 4% to 38% of the population (including me) use to relieve symptoms of tension, stress and depression.
Not only do I indulge in SIBs, I also like to spread the love to my family members, which would I guess turn them into Family Injurious Behaviours (FIBs).
Here are some of my all time fave FIBs :
1. Biting My Nails
There really is nothing worse than watching someone biting their nails while speaking to you is there? I know because occasionally when I am stressed or bored I do it to people and I can see them trying not to look. The slurping crunch issuing forth from a seasoned nail biter is quite off-putting enough without adding the Nibble Grab & Wrench Manoevre. The NGWM starts of with a tentative chew at a nail corner followed by a half-crescent of nail being peeled off. Without scissors you then have to rip the whole nail off, but slowly just in case blood spurts everywhere. People tend to faint around you when that happens.
2. Pick Scalps (mine or a passing child’s)
Blame my mum for this. There must have been a lot of nits around when we were children because whenever we sat down anywhere near my mum she’d be scraping through our scalps for loose skin like a baboon sham-louse picking. Disgusting though it may sound, having my mum comb through my hair with her nails was actually quite soothing. When the Minx was born she had a satisfyingly flakey case of cradle cap. I would rub almond oil on her scalp and slowly & painstakingly rub and scour it off with my nails. It helped to get her to sleep in the early days, I’ll wager. Plus the fact that I told myself while I was doing it that no-one would ever call my little girl a scaffy heided wean.
3. Squeezing or using implements to remove blackheads/whiteheads
Have you ever seen the You Tube video entitled The Most Disgusting Spot Squeeze Ever?
If you haven’t and you, like me, are a practitioner of the ancient and pleasing art of pus removal you will not blink an eye. You might even wonder to yourself whether it is a set up. Anyone else who does not share our particular perverse pleasure would be wise to avoid either watching it or eating yoghurt/custard for a while.
Just about everyone in my family has been squozen, even the children when they were newborns.
I managed to restrain myself from attacking my husband for at least two months when I started going out with him. Then he got the flu and he was at my mercy. After the first time he weakly asked me “Now that we’ve done *that* I assume that it is ok for me to fart in front of you now?”
“Please don’t squeeze the baby’s whiteheads” the midwife implored of me when the Noisy Boy was born. Sadly she was deaf to my pleas that I was unable to concentrate on breastfeeding while looking at a spot, whether on my baby or anyone else. I had to chew the inside of my mouth to stop all thoughts of squeezing while she was in the house.
Blackheads are another matter entirely. Despite being in the same skin eruption genus as spots, they are tricky little blighters. Those sticky pore strips are a great idea in theory.
The only problem is that those wee strips, however, is that only the top half of the gunk that is blocking the pore is removed when you use them.
You then have to have a good dig around the site using one these :
or if all else fails, a couple of these:
No matter which method of removal we choose, I and my fellow squeezers will never be happy unless and until the yellow-brown visible bit of the blackhead is followed by a long and preferably unbroken toothpaste like thread of sebum. Happy sigh.
4. Peeling Glue off my Palms (preferably with my teeth)
Imagine my delight when I discovered that there is a Facebook page dedicated to Peeling Glue off Your Palms. How good is this? Not as good as free shipping to Australia on Irregular Choice shoes, but nae bad.
While often unpleasant, occasionally extremely painful and always anti-social my bad habits do seem to have a soothing effect on me when I am anxious. It would be better, of course, if I could do something a little less disgusting. Like doing a wee bit of meditation, romping through a few yoga asanas or perhaps getting a good old-fashioned massage.
Today as I write this post I am pleased to say that my feets and legs are feeling very tingly and relaxed and the rest of me very soothed due to an invigorating massage administered by the fabulous @princessnowhere. Just as well really because the shoes that I am wearing today feature some rather cruel acrylic stripes that give me terrible blisters.
Which brings me to one of my other favourite free safe for work pastimes – considering whether it is a good idea to pop my blisters or leave ’em alone….?