Best of Lists and New Years Resolutions and That Was The Year that Was style retrospectives are really not my thing for the following reasons.
1. Best of Lists make me feel terribly inadequate – nothing that I consider to be interesting, funny or cool ever makes a Best of List.
2. Summaries of New Years Resolutions are just guilt trips waiting to happen and not giving up alcohol for Lent does a good enough job of this for me already.
3. Retrospectives particularly those of the decade in music variety make me sad as these remind me of people and places that I may not see again. To cheer myself up I then have to listen to lot of extremely loud tasteless music for several days. Loud music whips my children into a shamanistic frenzy of excitement and shrieking from which not even Phenergan will reclaim them.
In a nutshell no-one in this house gains anything of value from Lists, New Years Resolutions or Retrospectives.Therefore when a Twitter pal recently asked me to do a list my 10 favourite films of 2009 and I balked and froze. My first concern was the real fear that I would sound like a boring old fart as I do not get a chance to go out to the movies much or at all. The sole exception was our family outing to see Where the Wild Things Are last month. My husband does bring home DVD overnight rentals but watching DVDs is problematic for me as this involves sitting down. These days if I sit down for more than 5 minutes I conk out immediately and subsequently punch or bite anyone who tries to wake me up. Asking me to recommend a film, therefore, is a bit like asking a celibate missionary to recommend a Tantric Sex technique – i.e. completely pointless and likely to end in an uncomfortable silence.
My second concern was less ephemeral. If I am to recommend a film or films to persons at large, I have an obligation to ensure that the film will amuse or elicit a genuine emotional response at least one of them. In practical terms, I cannot recommend films to people I do not know. Weighing up all the prevailing factors logic dictated that I should ask an expert for help. Enter yesterday morning stage left, NC a very old dear friend of mine who I have not seen or had a proper chat with in a very long time. He has extremely good taste in movies and music, however, and has never yet steered me wrong. His top film picks for 2009 are:
Inglourious Basterds, Up, Star Trek, District 9, The Hurt Locker, Katyn, The Hangover, The Reader, State of Play, Frost/Nixon, Slumdog Millionnaire, Vicky Cristina Barcelona and Taken
Having failed in the simple task of naming ten 2009 films that I have seen it occurred to me that I could redeem myself with a shoe related list. Best Extreme Heels of the Decade? Nine Heel Heights that elevated the Noughties? Best use of shoes in a music video? (this one is easy check out the Alexander McQueen heels worn by Lady Gaga in Bad Romance ).
At the end of the day though I decided that the only possible award that I am entitled to bestow is the inaugural Law and Shoes Award 2009 for the Best Use of Shoes in a Legal Case. This prestigious award goes to Mr Michael Robb of Messrs Clark, Robb, Mason, Coulombe and Buschman Attorneys in Miami, Florida for wearing a pair of worn out black tassle Cole Haan loafers to influence the jury in a civil personal injuries case. Apparently Mr Robb wore a pair of black tassle Cole Haan Loafers rather like these to the Circuit Court in Miami, Florida: It is alleged that Mr Robb, a defense lawyer, had selected for a personal injuries trial a 12 year old pair of the aforesaid loafers with visible holes in both soles which he displayed to the jury as a dramatic strategy. The aim of wearing worn out shoes was to convince the jury that his client was not employing a top notch legal firm but rather a genuine honest legal battler to plead his case. His courtroom opponent (Bill Bone of Larmoyeux & Bone) offered to buy him a new custom-made pair if he stopped wearing his worn-out loafers. When this failed to tempt Mr Robb, Mr Bone lodged a Motion to Compel the Wearing of Proper Footwear in court.
A copy of the formal legal motion can be found here . The motion was denied but the case was subsequently dismissed due to the adverse publicity generated by media interest in Mr Robb and his shoes. I have printed a copy of the motion off for the Baby Lawyer just in case he gets the urge to wear Haviainas to the office again in the new year.