Those – said Ben, bathing the Noisy Boy for us one evening – are your man boobs. People call them moobs. Stop eating chicken and they will go away.
For at least a year afterwards the Noisy Boy was preternaturally obsessed with his moobs. Now he has moved on and his obsession is grabbing the end of his willy, holding onto it and pulling hard as if it were the inflation cord for a life raft which, perhaps, it is.
Ben is also Godfather to the Noisy Boy. Since he is good at talking a lot about just about anything, most of it rude, and likes fishing He Who Cooks and I thought that he would be a splendid role model for our son. Except he is not a Catholic, which apparently breaks a whole bunch of Catholic laws that I did not think of at the time.
Ben does appear to appreciate the importance of Catholicism in my life. By which I mean he never actually stops slagging me off for being a Born Again Catholic. Apparently I quality as a BAC in that I did not step foot in a church between leaving home and having my son. Occasionally, I try to remind him that there is actually no such thing as a born again Catholic. Being Born Again is an Evangelical Christian concept which involves going on some kind of crusade or revival or going to a Billy Graham rally or something similar. You get one good bite at the Catholicism cherry at Baptism and that apparently keeps you going through all kinds of transgressions. Never let the truth get in the way of a good slagging though.
And that brings me to my purple boots. Not that I like to tempt fate but I reckon that these boots would get the Vatican seal of approval. Since Pope Pius V, there are five colours associated with Roman Catholic masses: white, red, green, violet, and black. Violet is the liturgical colour worn by Roman Catholic priests for Advent, violet/purple is associated with penitence. The traditional colours of the Christmas day are White or Gold, symbolizing joy in the light of day. I am not a fan of white or gold shoes but come Christmas Day I will be adhering to my liturgical colours. We born again Catholics are oddly traditional that way.