Guest Shoe Post by Jennifer Love Monroe – Shoe ‘ssues

She knits and she writes, like a woman possessed. This lady makes me laugh loudly and often.

My favourite Jennifer quotes include:

I have completely lost all blog traffic. Is it my breath? Please. Be honest.

Why isn’t there a tv show called So You Think You Can Write? I need someone to tell me I suck.

Does fish sauce go bad? How can you tell?

Remember the feeling a split second just before you kiss someone for the first time? When you’re drawing close & breathing hard? Yeah. That.

Occasionally, she makes me cry, more often than not when she writes about her day job. The thing is that Ms Monroe is a member of one of the noblest, oldest and most mysterious of vocations – she is a birth doula specialising in the delivery of  wonderfully made births. For those of you who are not familiar with the term,  a doula (occasionally called a birth attendant)  offers emotional and physical support to a woman and her partner before, during and after childbirth. Doulas are trained and experienced in childbirth and are usually mothers themselves. They  are not midwives and they are not nurses.  Had I known about doulas when I had the Noisy Boy, I might well have had a completely different (and less traumatic)  birth experience.  So when I read that one of her mothers has had an amazing birth, I stop and smile and wipe a wee tear away. Babies do that to you.

Anyway, enough of the soppy, floral stuff. You are all ordered to check out her writing on Twitter and on her blog Barely Knit Together forthwith as soon as you finish reading this blog post (if not before). Also, is working on a novel which you should all encourage her to finish via copies @ replies on Twitter.  At the time of writing she has 25,000 words down.  I have promised to buy her a pair of Zombie Stompers on publication.

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The Shoe Girl that I want to be

Warning: this will not be the kind of “crazy for shoes” post you’re used to from our lovely blogess host. No, I unfortunately, have what you might call shoe ‘ssues, or perhaps just all around problematic attire habits.

It’s not that I don’t want to get all sexpotted up on occasion. I like war paint and plunging necklines as much as the next gal. No, the problem is something more like…inertia.

I admire fancy shoes, am in fact drooling over those zombie beauties from the previous guest post, and dream of being Carrie in Sex and the City with her adorable little dresses and super high heels. I imagine striding into a room and having all eyes turn toward me, as I take control and…

Fall in a heaping jumble of limbs and backpacks. Yeah. ‘Cause I don’t carry a purse, I carry, well, we’ll call them bags. And the limits of my grace ended on the stage, where I used to perform with a ballet company. I was angelic on it, catastrophic off of it. It’s the difference between Pavlova and one of Pavlov’s dogs. Add on to that my general disdain for discomfort, and you have a recipe for something no one should be forced to accompany in public.

If I had a dime for every time my daughter threatened to call “What Not to Wear” on me, I could buy Manolo Beatnik, or whatever the hell his name is.

This is not to say I don’t own any high heels. I do. I own one. And I mean one, singular shoe, not one pair, because I can’t seem to find the other one. It’s as fancy as I’ve ever gotten, and it was a special treat for my hubby before he went to Iraq for a year. Can’t have him going off remembering me in my Converse Chucks now, can I?

I’ve included some pictures so you can fully embrace the horror that is my shoe wardrobe. Although, I am quite fond of the oxblood Sketchers boots with fishnet stockings. And the shoes that look as if they’re covered with pages from a graphic novel? They are. I did it.

The shoe person I am:

Sketchers Red Boots without the fishnets

Comic Book Shoes

So go, take heart. Know that you are goddesses among women with your smart heels and sexy calf shape. As for me, I shall lumber along in my clunky, thrift store shoes, and be thankful I don’t have to study law to support my habit.

14 thoughts on “Guest Shoe Post by Jennifer Love Monroe – Shoe ‘ssues

  1. Well this is just wonderful! Not only do I get to meet someone on your blog who also has a shoe deficit (and no grown-up shoes… I have NONE! Not one pair!! Help me Gabfran!!)… but she will also write for yarn which I totally would too. Off to follow forth-with…

    And I am serious about the shoes! I need help! I own three pairs of (old) trainers and some flats. I need a post about how to recover from this dry shoe rut I seem to have fallen into (and how to do it with no money too – I will write for yarn AND shoes?)

    Oh and Jennifer! Hello! I want to be that shoe girl too… (but am kinda jealous of your comic book shoes…)

    x

    • Well, my shoes, including the comic book ones, are from the thrift store. That’s my secret; that’s how I get the stylish flair I’m known for.

      I wear other people’s castoffs. Perhaps we could knit ourselves some shoes? Just tossing out ideas… 😉

  2. I’ve seen people wear knitted boots on the streets of NYC. Not good for snow, but apparently warmly, cozily wonderful for those brrrr days.

    You know, graphic novels ARE the thing now 🙂

  3. I am a non-recovering shoe-holic. Don’t intend to ever get over this addiction. Love all kinds of shoes: boots, sandals, wedgies.

    Me and shoe stores are dangerous combinations. But I do shop at the places that offer BOGO’s and such. Don’t have a lot of money to spend on shoes but the wonderful thing is…I don’t have to. There are great deals everywhere if you’ll just look.

    My daughter (age 25) has followed in my “footsteps” (ha! good one!) When I find a cute pair of shoes I will often look to see if they have it in her size too. Recently she brought me a home a Goodwill find. Brand new, ADORABLE, strappy wedgies. Only problem right now is I have nothing to wear them with but that is only a temporary problem, I promise you. Oh, and she paid $5 for the shoes. I raised her right!

    • Anne – welcome to the twilight world of the shoe-obsessed girls! We have to stick together.

      The real skill of shoe buying is to look at the lustworthy, mega-expensive pairs and then either wait until they go on sale, eBay or you can find a good high street ‘Reimagination’. One of my all time favourite shoe purchases were a pair of pony skin kitten heeled open toed mules from ASDA – 5 quid. I pretty much wore them to death. My Pradas, on the other hand, keep getting put away for a rainy day. This, as @BearmanCartoons would no doubt tell me is entirely uneconomical from a use-per-dollar perspective.

      • “Use-per-dollar perspective” – love it!

        Doesn’t and never will apply to shoes for one simple reason…sometimes you need that CERTAIN pair of shoes for an outfit and nothing else will do. You may wear those shoes only once in a great while but when you do: ooh-la-la!

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