When I asked @ACTinglikeamama to contribute this post, I literally begged her to write about her high heels. Bearing in mind that she is seven months pregnant (at the time of writing), studying and getting top marks in law, writing her ACTinglikeamama blog and looking after a toddler this was a bit of cruel ask. She has, as always, stepped up to the plate. Not only is this lady smart, sexy and funny she has seriously juicy wench taste in shoes. She has her party shoes on now. Slippers and Ugg boots begone, your chariot awaits My Lady .
Shoes. It’s that one statement item that can make or break an outfit. It’s an item I use to judge people’s coolness and respectability on. While it is meant to be such a practical accessory to the human wardrobe, the shoes I tend to covet often will leave me with blistering bunions, arched heels and early onset arthritis. Not so great for my feet.
That’s not say my shoe wardrobe is extensive. In fact, since becoming a wife and mother, my shoes are most often purchased on sale, at department stores and then only if I have a discount voucher to present. In fact, my last purchase? A pair of crocs. The cost? Free – I only had to pay postage (do i hear you say cheapskate?).
There are many reasons why I had to throw away my stiletto black peeps, my CFM boots with laces up to the knees and my red hot sling-backs that made my elephant feet look positively mouse-like.
When I first met my husband, I was obviously too smitten to realise that he wasn’t very tall. He’s not short; he’s half a head taller than me, but me in heels? Next to him? Meet Amazon lady. Luckily for me we met around the time the “kitten heel” was in vogue. Sure it didn’t give my legs that long and slender look that made me feel sexy, but kitten heels sure made it easier to go dancing in – and it allowed me to, errr, chat to my husband face to face.
We then became home owners. Home owners and shoe addictions don’t normally go so well. Which is funny because I still have this image of Goldie Hawn’s “overboard” moment and looking at her wardrobe, especially the shoe part, and thinking that when I own a house, I want that cupboard and I will be the one to say “Everyone wants to be me” before falling off my yacht and suffering amnesia. Pity mortgage repayments get in the way of a good shoe purchase.
Then I had to stop work. It seems that having babies and receiving no income coincide with my shoe love turning into slipper and ugg-boot love. They are comfy and after a sleepless night I am searching for anything that reminds me of the bed that I don’t get to slumber in anymore – and what is better than slippers – which is just a bed for your feet right?
My child then grew a little bit and I delighted in the fact I could return to more inappropriate footwear, only to find that unlike any other woman i have ever met on the planet – pregnancy and childbirth shrunk my feet. My shoe wardrobe was gone. I had to start all over again.
Which brings me to today; two months out from giving birth to baby number two and I want a nice pair of trendy, classy heels. After several years of marriage I have accepted that in heels I will be the Nicole Kidman to my husband’s Tom Cruise; well, without the scientology and divorce thanks. And I am rather excited that my legs will once again resemble toned pegs to die for (ha! right – sign me up for those shoes please!). It doesn’t help that this weekend I also have my high school reunion. And as much as I would love to wear my ugg-boots, I am going to frock up and I just find that black tights and blue uggs? Not the greatest look going around. So, meet my darlings, my new party shoes. I think of them as my cougar shoes. Once I put them on I am no longer the dowdy, chubby housewife and mother covered in cooking stains stomping around with my bovine-sized feet. Oh no, I am femme fatale called Nico, or Suzanne, or Edie and I am ready to hit the nightclub and party like it’s 199….oh wait-